Bats and Jumping Spiders

It has been unbelievably hot this summer for Minnesota. I grew up in Illinois where the humidity always matches the temperature and that is how it has been here this year. My small window air conditioner has been going solid for several weeks with fans strategically placed to move the cool air from one room to another. One night I was pushing the vent lever on the air conditioner in and out to see if it made a difference. It didn't. So I turned off the lights to go to bed. As I turned off the last light, I caught something moving out of the corner of my eye. It was a bat! I screamed and plunged under the footstool of my Ikea Poang chair. I lay there curled into a tight ball and looked out periodically to see the bat flying from my living room to the bedroom and back again. I live in a small upstairs apartment with slanted dormer ceilings. In the middle where the ceiling is flat, I can stand flatfooted, reach up and touch the ceiling. So when there is a bat flying madly around the room, it is pretty much at face level. So I stayed under the footstool wondering if I would be able to spend the night there. What man could I call? David lives too far away and would be asleep anyway since it was almost 11:30 PM. I seriously considered calling my ex-husband because I knew he would still be awake. Bad idea. I checked the bat once more, saw that he was staying in the bedroom, so I snuck out from under the footstool. Looking frantically for my cell phone, I went quickly to my landing and closed both doors. I was safe. But had no cell phone. I could sleep on my landing easily enough. I peaked around the door looking for both the bat and my cell phone. There lay the phone on the table of my living room. I saw no bat flying, so ran for my phone and back to the landing. Now I at least had my phone. Do I call my ex-husband? .......No. I will call my daughter, Brekke. She lives in LA and would still be awake. When I told her I had a bat flying around in my apartment, she basically laughed at me, told me to go get a broom and not to kill it. But the broom was all the way in the bathroom closet! And it's a really big bat! Would you be less afraid if it were a bird? Well...yes.  Mom, you lived in a log house, we had bats all the time! Actually I only remember one being in the house. The rest just made noise above the ceiling logs. And yes, I did catch that one and put it outside safely. But that was a long time ago, and I had my children to protect. After listening to her stories about how she and her roommate would have bats in their apartment and dealt with them safely, I slowly went back into the apartment. I saw no bat. Now what?! I got the broom and a towel. Still no bat. I started looking around and sweeping the broom behind the dresser, the bed, the bedroom curtains. Nothing. Then behind the living room shade above the air conditioner. Out it flew. I shreeked, crouched down and swung the broom and missed. Swung once more and connected. This I found out later is very hard to do. Bat's radar is so sophisticated that it can dodge the broom faster than you can swing. Not me. It lay on the floor stunned. I tossed the towel over him, which really made him mad. Donned in my rubber gloves, I gathered up the towel and flung it out the front door. As it landed on the grass, I saw the bat fly off, so he was not injured. Yay. I went back in to decipher where he came in. I decided he got in the air conditioner when I was fiddling with the vent lever. They can flatten down and get through an area the size of a pencil. Great. I closed the vent, taped every place I thought there was a space. I then called Brekke to sing my praises. I hate bats. I know they are helpful, but not in my house. Like jumping spiders. I hate jumping spiders. Brekke exclaimed, "Right! At least it wasn't a jumping spider!!" My guess is she wouldn't have laughed at me if I called her to tell her I had a jumping spider in my apartment.